help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
