When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
