I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
