i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
