So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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