so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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