if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
