Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
