i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
