the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Randomize
