Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
