I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
