She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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