Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
