2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
