the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
