haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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