Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
