tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
