Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
