Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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