My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
