I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
