Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
