i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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