Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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