What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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