Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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