Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
