Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
