This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
