You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
