I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Randomize
