Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
