I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
