To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
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Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
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New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
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