Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
