i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
