We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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