i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
