my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
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We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
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There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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