Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
