We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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