i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
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