his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
