Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
