Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
