I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
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