nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
