Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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