I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
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