im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
