yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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