There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
