I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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