I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
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His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
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Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
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