Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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