The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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