Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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