The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
that is very illegal...i love you.
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