"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
