Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Randomize
