never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Randomize
