I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
