Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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