I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
