hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
