Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
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