The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
