u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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