Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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