if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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