Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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