You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
