I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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