booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize
