I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
