I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
