Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
