Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
